A little less than a year ago, I announced to the world with great joy and exuberance that I was “expecting”–not a baby, but my first book!! My manuscript’s due date was June 15, and I already had the name picked out: Control Girl: Putting God in Charge of Your Happy Ending.
So, during the next nine months, I worked harder than ever before, knitting together my “baby”. (I certainly expended more effort than I did during pregnancy–which only required me to eat more!) I holed up in our office studying, writing, thinking, and praying. I shed many tears, as God showed me amazing things in the pages of his Word, about my struggle with control.
I was so excited. I couldn’t wait to introduce my book to the world! I longed to share with other Control Girls all of the ways God was helping me overcome my struggles with control.
Turns out, he wasn’t quite finished working on me, yet.
On June 2, with two weeks left before my ‘due date’, I called Ken and said, “I’m done! I just clicked, ‘save’!” I told him that I would put the next two weeks to good use–polishing, and putting finishing touches on everything, but I was delighted to have completed the project.
Ken congratulated me, and suggested we go out that night and celebrate. With a huge grin on my face, I hung up, and then opened my email.
My Control Girl heart sank.
There, in cold, black print was a message stating that my publisher had cancelled my contract. They were laying off the editors in the Bible study line which my book was to be part of, and cancelling several books that were scheduled to be published.
My first thought was of the timing. Only God could have put together timing like that! I had been working on this project for nine months, yet he chose the very moment after I clicked “save”, to release an email notifying me of cancellation!
My second thought was of the irony. Here I had just written a book about relinquishing control to God, and now he was asking me to do just that. I was not in control of this book’s publication. God was.
So…. sorry I’ve been a little slow to let you know about all of this. But, nobody likes to make “overdue” or “still waiting” announcements. I remember being two weeks overdue with my first pregnancy, and having a man at church say to me, “You’re still here?” Yep. Still here.
I feel that way about my book, too. Still here. Still waiting.
I’m still confident that God put the passion and desire inside me to write this book. I’m still sure that God’s Spirit gave me guidance and help as I wrote it. And I’m still confident that he wanted me to finish, since he knew all along that I was working off of a faulty due date!
More than anything, I’m still convinced that God is in control. His pen is poised above every detail of my life–even the book I wrote about control! Will I trust him? Will I relinquish control? Will I put into practice all of the things I’ve just written about?
Yes, yes, and yes! Not perfectly, of course. But my gracious God is showing me how to live out what I’ve just written. I’m being pressed to loosen my sweaty grip on life’s controller, and put my happy ending into the big, wise hands of the one who truly is in control–God!
Praying friends, would you please pray with me about this? My agent, Karen (with Credo Communications), has endless optimism and hope about this project–which is such a blessing. She is pursuing publication by another publishing house as we speak. I remain enthusiastic about sharing the book with others–especially now that it’s complete! But ultimately, God gets to decide. He’s in control. He wants me to trust him with the end of the story, just as I’ve trusted him with the individual pages.
Many of you have asked, “When’s the book coming out?” You’ve said that you want to share it with your Bible study group or buy it for a friend or for yourself. Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! I have often pictured you at the finish line, hands outstretched, waiting for the book. You make writing worth it! And I would love nothing more than to give you the book’s ‘birth date’ to put on your calendar.