Do you compare yourself?
On social media, in the neighborhood, at church, or the school drop-off lane, do you push yourself to prove that you measure up, then feel ashamed when you don’t? Measuring yourself against others isn’t healthy. And it isn’t God’s plan. In fact, the way of Jesus is completely upside down from this measure-up world. He invites us to follow him and be restored to freedom, confidence, and joy.
Join me as—with humor and straightforward honesty—I share what I’ve discovered about my own measure-up fears and get-ahead pride in this six-week study. Together, we’ll explore the conversations Jesus had and stories he shared with people who—like us—were comparing themselves.
Let’s leave measure-up comparison behind and connect with those around us by choosing Jesus’s me-free way of living: lifting others up and pouring ourselves out!
I always thought of surrender as passive. To surrender was to NOT do something.
Not take up an offense.
Not flirt with somebody else’s husband.
Not eat another slice of cake.
But surrender is not inactive or passive. It’s some of the most strenuous work of your entire Christian life.⠀
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Surrender is gritty and uphill. It's straining against my inner desire to have my way. It's dying to self, when self wants control. ⠀
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So why surrender? Why not just cave in to myself? Many women do. But every time they give in to that nagging inner desire for control, they become more controlING. They slowly turn into the worst version of themselves. ⠀
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I want something different for my life. Do you? ⠀
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Surrender is what makes us like the one who said, "Not my will, but Yours be done."
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Are you a control girl? Take the quiz, and sign up for the free series, directly to your inbox. Link in bio (tap the photo).
#ControlGirl #Women’sBibleStudy #SmallGroupStudy #Women’sMinistry #Surrender #SurrenderToGod #NotPassive #NotMyWill #YourWillBeDone #ControlGirlToJesusGirl #GrittySurrender #biblestudymoments #livelikeitstrue #godisincontrol #controlyourself #controlyourthoughts #easilyoffended #offlimits #temptedtoeat #sayingnotome #hisstrengthnotmine
One year ago today, @cadepopkin and I were traveling back from the Rooted in Christ conference in Morrison, IL—his first women’s event. 😉⠀
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Here’s what stands out: ⠀
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1. These women were willing to laugh and cry with me, and open their hearts to God’s Word. It’s my favorite type of crowd. (Thanks for inviting me @dbuikema ! So great to get to know you.)
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2. @barbroose is a powerful speaker who brings the TRUTH. So great to share the platform with her. ⠀
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3. @cadepopkin is so much fun and makes an excellent salesman. I think we sold every book we brought. ⠀
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4. It was my second to the last in-person speaking event for an entire year, and I had no idea. ⠀
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5. Unmasked faced seemed normal and it was the first time someone gave me an elbow bump instead of a hug. (@barbroose)⠀
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6. As news of the spreading virus broke, #controlgirl was a relevant topic. I think it still is. ⠀
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This weekend I’m back to a full calendar of retreats + conferences. The break was lovely but I’m ready to go! Let’s never forget 2020, deal?⠀
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#Christianspeaker #controlgirl ⠀
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Here's me in (about) 3rd grade. And here's the story I shared my my blog: ⠀
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I came running home after school, crying so hard I could barely talk. My mom dropped everything, and through my hiccupping sniffles, I told her my third-grade woes.⠀
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It had been a standardized testing day. As the teacher passed out tests, she had given all the smart kids a red test booklet, but I got a blue one—just like the rest of the class.⠀
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For a while now I had been worried that my placement in our school’s gifted program was a fluke. I was pretty sure I wasn’t as smart as the others, but since I loved the program so much, I kept my suspicions to myself.⠀
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Today, however, the truth had come out.⠀
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The teacher knew. The whole class knew. And I knew. I wasn’t one of the smart kids, and I had a blue booklet to prove it. Oh, the humiliation! I wanted to shrivel up, hide, and never go back. I just knew that all the kids were whispering to each other and telling their moms, “Shannon got a blue booklet!”⠀
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Were you one of the smart kids? Or one of the fast kids? Pretty kids? Funny kids? What set you apart, or what didn't? ⠀
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Read more in my post, "If Comparison Stress is Wearing You Out". Link in my bio. ⠀
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This post first appeared on @triciagoyer 's site. Thanks Tricia!⠀
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#comparisongirl #comparingyourself #measureupstress #wornout #tiredofcomparing #perfectionism #averagestudent #thirdgrade #brooksideelementary #mulfordstreet #standardizedtestday
#Repost @kregelbooks
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Comparison Girl now has a companion journal!
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Join @shannonpopkin in Comparison Girl as she shares what she has discovered about her own measure-up fears and get-ahead pride. As you read, record your responses, action plans, and insights in this personal journaling workbook.
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Now available. Link in the bio.
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#comparisongirl #christianwomen #ChristianBooks
Stitches out. I’m thankful my hair naturally falls over the scar.
I’ve been thinking about how there was this waxy bump on my forehead that didn’t bother me one bit—yet it was silently growing, putting down roots, and invading my flesh.
Skin cancer reminds me of SIN cancer. Types like greed, pride, or selfishness, which might not bother me one bit, yet are silently putting down roots and invading my heart.
I’m so grateful that Jesus, who still bears scars on his wrists (John 20:25-28) did what it took for my sin to be removed. But what if new sin appears?
I can tell you that I will not be ignoring any new waxy bumps that form. Having them removed was too painful and expensive, and the scar will be too noticeable for me to ever ignore skin cancer again. In fact, I’ll probably be hyper vigilant about anything I detect in the mirror.
And shouldn’t I have the same attitude toward my sin? It was far too painful and costly to Jesus—and the scars on his hands are too noticeable for me to downplay the gravity of sin.
Think of Adam and Eve, after being destroyed by their sin and forced from the Garden, saying, “Hey, I have some of that fruit left. Want some?”
What a horrific thought. It’s equally horrifying for us to ignore the deadliness of our SIN cancer.
God gave us the mirror of His word to examine our reflections with care. (James 1:23-4) Have you checked for sin today?
#skincancer #sincancer #newscar #nailscarredhands #checkthemirror #biblemirror #dontignoresin #basalcellcarcinoma #mohssurgery #mohs @dermatologyassociatesofwmi
As I studied the Control Girls of the Bible, I saw a pattern. One by one, these women bypassed God’s story in pursuit of their own. ⠀
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Eve wanted the self-improvement fruit. Sarah wanted to supply the promised baby. Rachel wanted to fill out her side of the family tree. ⠀
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Repeatedly, these women tried to yank the pen from God's hand. Rather than trusting his timing and surrendering themselves to his masterplan, they hijacked the storyline and gave themselves the lead roles. And don't we do the same thing? ⠀
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I do. I fret and groan and manipulate and leverage, trying to force the plotline to my favor. I make the story all about me. But it's not. It's about Him. ⠀
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Here’s the question: How can I make today's line or paragraph of the story more about Him? ⠀
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Are you (like me) a control girl? Take the quiz and learn more at www.controlgirl.com (link inbio). ⠀
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#thestoryofGod #notme #controlgirl #sweetsurrender
I remember once, back before I was married, I stayed over on a Saturday, and on Sunday morning you put on Steve Green really loud and were singing to baby @alliespors and saying, “Good morning—It’s the Lord’s day! Time to go to church!” And I thought, “That’s the kind of mom I want to be.”
You’re the friend who taught me how to be a wife then a mom (see photo 5, which is after my bridal shower that you hosted!) How to support my husband no matter what.
You’ve gotten excited with me over everything from getting engaged (see photo #3 &4–photo credit @cdbrauns ) to getting my first book contract. You’ve laughed with me over daily mishaps, and grieved with me through the disappointments, too. You’ve loved my kids (see photo 2 with baby @lpopkin98 ) and prayed so faithfully for me (and them!) for over 25 years!
I’m so grateful for you and proud to call you my friend. Love you, my dear friend @jfbrauns Have a very happy birthday! 🎂🎁❤️🥰
#friendsfor30years #pastorswife #amazingcook #suchagoodmom #happybirthday #thankfulforyou
Get our free printable and worksheets to help set you up for collaborative success!
My co-author, @katemotaung of @fiveminutefriday and I put together this resource when we served on a panel discussion about collaboration for the @flourishwriters conference. Look for the link in my bio for collab freebie.
I am currently co-authoring a teen version of #comparisongirl, with my dear friend, @leenienhuis . It was good for me to review these concepts!
What is your latest collaborative project?
#collaboration #collab #collaborate #collaorazione #coauthor #freebie #writersconference #bettertogether
When you wear your pride clothes which perfectly disguise your flaws, the group sits back. Self-protectiveness, posturing, bragging and jealousy are invited to the table.
But when you dress in soft layers of humility and vulnerability, the group leans in. Empathy, compassion, partnership and authenticity are invited to the table.
Humility allows you to truly see other people, rather than being wrapped up in how they see you. Humility forms community—which is where we defend ourselves against enemy attack.
So turn to someone and say, “Let’s not live behind walls. Let’s be vulnerable, honest, humility-clad people who welcome each other to the circle.”
“Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility... your adversary the devil prowls around... seeking someone to devour.” I Peter 5:5-8
(From #comparisongirl p.45-46)
#humilityformscommunity #prideformswalls #clotheyourselfinhumility #prideclothes #humbleclothes
Look at all the places this little book has gone in 2021!
Thank you to the #libronotecompares launch team For the photos from Mexico, Costa Rica, Puerto Rico, Paraguay, Nicaragua, and more.
It’s so exciting to see No te Compares travel more places than I could ever go, and make its way into hands all over the world—speaking to women I could never speak to! (thank you @EditorialPortavoz! )
Will you pray with me for lasting, spiritual fruit for the kingdom? And that this book will continue to travel into new hands, impacting new hearts!
#ComparisonGirl #SpanishLaunchTeam #latinas #GoLittleBookGo #GodisGood
Just Released!
This 155 page journal is a companion to Comparison Girl and offers:
✏A place to record your responses to the Bible study and application questions at the end of each lesson.
✏Thought-provoking stories and journal prompts, correlating with each chapter's theme.
✏Space for taking notes in the video sessions (coming March 30), plus the verses printed, with additional observation study and discussion questions.
✏Extra prayers, quotes, and verses to encourage you on your journey
Let me know what questions you have! Purchase anywhere books are sold.
Link in bio for www.ComparisonGirl.com
#comparisongirl #redlettercomparisons #teachingsofjesus #parables #upsidedownkingdom #lastwillbefirst #greatestistheservant #humbleisexalted
I learned something new: If you’re going to have basal cell skin cancer removed from your forehead 🤕, you probably shouldn’t schedule it the day before a speaking engagement. 🤦♀️
In my weakness, He truly was strong! When I stepped on the platform at @shores.community.church I forgot to even think about my throbbing head! #onlyGod ! (And they were a really great audience!)
What a joy to share:
Eve chose for herself what seemed good and ate from the tree. 🌳
Jesus let God decide what was good for him and hung on the tree. ✝️
We get to decide which story we will pattern our lives after: Eve’s #controlgirl story or Jesus’s story of surrender. ❤️
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I’m thankful to have no more cancer growing on my head! And I’m thankful that I part my hair to the scar side of my face! Now, to learn to be grateful for my raised left eyebrow and scar... 🤨🤕🙏🏻
@dermatologyassociatesofwmi @shores.community.church
#speakerlife #speakingadventures #inmyweakness #heisstrong #basalcellcarcinoma #mohssurgery
My friend @comingalivejenn tells about the time she and her twin sister were on a field trip to an aquatic center. Mid-day, she saw her sister walking beside her, and said, "Hey, sis, how's it going?" but her sister didn't respond. So she said, "Why aren't you talking to me?" and again her sister didn't respond. So Jenn jabbed her with her elbow and realized she was talking to her reflection in the dimly lit aquarium glass.
Jenn and her sister looked so much alike that she mistook herself for her sister! That part is funny, but here's the part that's not. Jen always thought of her sister as beautiful, but when she turned to the mirror, the beauty vanished. She just couldn't find it in herself.
I don't have a twin but I do often have the same problem of seeing everyone else as beautiful but not finding any beauty in the mirror. I have endless grace for others' flaws, but none for my own.
And though at first glance it might seem like I’m putting others first and myself last—the way Jesus taught—but this isn’t true humility in me. It’s actually inverted pride.
Why do I have no problem with my friend gaining ten pounds, but self-loathe when I do? Why am I totally okay with my friend's wrinkles forming, but I'm definitely not okay with my own? Why do I assure my friend that she is God’s masterpiece—a great treasure to Him, then talk to my imperfect self as though my imperfections invalidate my worth?
Am I not elevating myself in pride, as I elevate expectations for myself above everyone else?
Pride says, "I need to either look flawless or hide every flaw." Humility says, "I care enough about the real you to let you see the real me. The flawed me. The beloved of God, me."
Check out chapter four of #comparisongirl for more on "Comparing Skin-Deep Packaging". www.comparisongirl.com
#comparinglikeJesus #upsidedownkingdom #perfectionism #thatspridetalking #theflawedme #therealme #innercup #cleansemeLord
#biblestudy #scripture #womensbiblestudy
Friend, are you tired of measuring yourself against every friend, cousin or random stranger? Are you sick of zooming in on photos, scrutinizing your friends’ hips?
How do I measure up? is the wrong question. Our Jesus has taught us a better one. One that leads to Kingdom greatness!
When I enter a room full of people and ask, How can I pour myself out? my attention naturally turns to the spout, not the lines. My measuring cup’s contents take on new purpose if I’m looking for ways to serve, and keeping my distance makes no sense if I’m getting ready to pour. But here’s the best part: When I tip my cup to one side, the lines become irrelevant. They don’t matter anymore — and this sets me free.
If Jesus had a photo with His disciples, I think He would lean in and examine it closely, but not to measure and compare. He’d be smiling, remembering how He had invested in each of their lives. He loved them. He knew them personally. He emptied Himself to serve each one. That’s the kind of friend I want to be.
-link in my bio to read my devotional at @proverbs31ministries
Know any Spanish-speaking friends? If so, could you tag them here?
My friends at @avivanuestroscorazones are sharing a review of “No te Compares” written by Reyna Meraz and doing a giveaway!!
So thankful for the amazing Latinas of @avivanuestroscorazones who love Jesus so deeply and serve Him with such joy.
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¿Te comparas constantemente con otras personas? En los medios sociales, en tu vecindario, en la iglesia, o al dejar a tus hijos a la puerta de la escuela, ¿te esfuerzas por demostrar que estás a la altura... y luego te sientes avergonzada cuando no es así? Medirse a sí mismo de acuerdo a los estándares de los demás no es saludable. Y no es el plan de Dios. De hecho, el camino de Jesús va completamente al revés del camino de este mundo sumergido en la competencia y la comparación. Jesús nos invita a seguirlo y a recuperar la libertad, la confianza y el gozo.
Participa para ganar el nuevo libro ¡No te compares! disponible en libro digital o físico.
PARA PARTICIPAR (sigue estas 4 fáciles instrucciones) 👇🏼
1️⃣ Entra al enlace en nuestro perfil @avivanuestroscorazones
2️⃣ Después entra al "Blog Mujer Verdadera"
3️⃣ Lee la "reseña ¡No te compares!" (es la publicación de hoy)
4️⃣ Participa en el sorteo siguiendo el enlace al final del blog
@betsytgomez @nicoforj @reynaorozcomeraz
Wow, SO exciting!! No te Compares is ranked #1 in Kindle and #2 in Books for Christian Women's Issues! Praising the Lord for all the amazing things He is doing. Big thanks to @reynaorozcomeraz who has worked so diligently to lead our Hispanic launch team so well, and for all of the women who are participating on the #libronotecompares launch team, and sharing with friends. I've heard of groups starting in Dominican Republic, Paraguay and Portugal - all within the last couple of weeks!
One more thing: If you have a Spanish speaking friend, please let them know about the giveaway and book review hosted by my friends at @avivanuestroscorazones ! No doubt this #1 ranking is due in part to their encouragement and support!
Most of all, I have been so blessed to hear how God is moving in the hearts of these women. Only God could work in these ways, bringing us all together with vulnerability and humility! It has blessed me over and over. #booklaunch #libronotecompares #Godisgood #Iamamazed
Delighted to be sharing at @proverbs31ministries today about the exhaustion of endless measuring.
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Here's a snippet: ⠀
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"Friend, are you exhausted by the endless comparing? Are you tired of measuring yourself against every friend, cousin or random stranger? Are you sick of zooming in on photos, scrutinizing your friends’ hips?⠀
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"How do I measure up?" is the wrong question. Our Jesus has taught us a better one. One that leads to Kingdom greatness!⠀
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When I enter a room full of people and ask, "How can I pour myself out?" my attention naturally turns to the spout, not the lines. My measuring cup’s contents take on new purpose if I’m looking for ways to serve, and keeping my distance makes no sense if I’m getting ready to pour. But here’s the best part: When I tip my cup to one side, the lines become irrelevant. They don’t matter anymore — and this sets me free.⠀
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If Jesus had a photo with His disciples, I think He would lean in and examine it closely, but not to measure and compare. He’d be smiling, remembering how He had invested in each of their lives. He loved them. He knew them personally. He emptied Himself to serve each one. That’s the kind of friend I want to be."⠀
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Are you ready to learn to ask Jesus's better question, instead of the world's? Pick up a copy of Comparison Girl: Lessons from Jesus on Me-Free Living in a Measure-Up World. ⠀
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Link for both in my bio!
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Thanks to @kregelbooks for sponsoring this post! #comparisongirl
I remember exactly what I was wearing on Easter Sunday, 2003. This fact says nothing about my memory, but rather gives commentary on how much care I had given to my outfit that day. ⠀
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I was scheduled to serve on my church’s worship team, which meant I’d be on the platform, facing the congregation. And in that congregation would be my extended family, visiting from out of town. On top of that, I was six months pregnant and looking ready to pop. ⠀
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People would look over knowingly at the gas pump or in the grocery line and say, “Any day now?” I’d smile sweetly, but think, “Good grief, I hope not.”⠀
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With all this in mind, I was absolutely obsessed with trying to find an Easter outfit that didn’t make me look like an Easter egg. I spent hours in dressing rooms, trying on one outfit after another... ⠀
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Want to read the rest? Sign up for my Comparison Girl Bonuses and get my free "Journal Sampler" (along with a bunch of other freebies!):⠀
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Link in bio for “Comparison Girl Bonuses”
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This Easter outfit story is journal prompt #4. ⠀
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The Sampler includes sample story prompts from the Comparison Girl Journaling Workbook, launching on February 23! $12.99 on Amazon: https://amzn.to/3oUH05m⠀
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That’s me in the room before any of the women arrived to my 1st speaking engagement of 2021! (I was hoping I would remember how to do this! 🎤😬😂)
it was an amazing time. 🥰Thanks so much to @ridgepointcc for the opportunity to share a message on control and surrender yesterday!
I asked, “Have you ever had a moment where it became obvious you weren’t in control? Have you ever had a YEAR where it became obvious you weren’t in control?” 🙋🏼♀️🙋🏽♀️🙋🏻♀️(Thank you 2020.)
It’s not a bad thing for us to experience the façade of control slip through our fingers. May we grow more like Jesus—saying, “Not my will, but yours be done.”
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@karenvanhaitsma thanks for inviting me back—and not taking off on a cruise this time! 🤣 It was a joy to meet you in person. You’re just as fun and inspiring as I knew you would be!
Also, it was fabulous to meet my groupies in person for the first time! Debi wore her #comparisongirl measuring cup bracelet. 😍
And so sweet to see Sissy Missy after not seeing her for 2 decades! Missy, you still have the sunshine same smile. 🥰
What a beautiful time with women who have wide open hearts to truth!
#SpeakingMinistry #ControlGirl #GrittySurrender #SurrenderChangesUs #ChristianSpeaker #Women’sMinistry #GoodToBeBack
Look at this beautiful group from Paraguay!
Their leader, Maria is 26 years old and leading these young women from her church in a “No te Compares” study, which began on Monday.
She told me, “I pray to the Lord to guide us and help show the truth to the girls who attend.”
Isn’t that fabulous? I couldn’t be more thrilled. Will you stop for a moment and pray for Maria and her girls?
#libronotecompares #paraguay #smallgroups #smallgroupstudy #mentoring
From the Blog
If Comparison Stress is Wearing You Out
This post first appeared on TriciaGoyer.com. Thanks so much, Tricia, for sharing this post! I came running home after school, crying so hard I could barely talk. My mom dropped everything, and through my hiccupping sniffles, I told her my third-grade woes. It had been...
Two Questions on Valentine’s Day
There's a lot of pressure on Valentine's Day. It feels like the whole world is going on some elaborate date, drinking in the beautiful romance of true love. Especially when you're NOT doing any of those things. Many of us have this nagging question on February 14:...
Lessons on Comparison from the Two-Talent Guy
My husband has a hang-up with the parable of the talents found in Matthew 25:14-30. There's this part at the end when the guy who buried his talent brings it forward, and the master gives it to the one who invested his five talents and now has ten. And that's when my...
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