So, I interviewed my daughter. She’s twelve and attends a public middle school. If you want to listen to the interview, click here. Or read a few snippets below.
* * * * * * *
Me: Why would you want to have a texting plan—what would you do that you can’t do now?
My Tween Daughter (MTD): Talk to your friends and feel like you have more friends, maybe, if you text with them…
ME: Of your closest friends–the girls that you hang out with the most–do you think that they are less of a friend because you don’t text them?
MTD: Not my closest friends, but [with] other friends… it can be a way to keep old friendships going…because you would still be talking.
* * * * *
ME: Do you think girls feel popular if they’re getting a lot of texts?
MTD: I think texting gives people self confidence if they have a lot of texts. Not necessarily popular, but confidence.
ME: Confidence, how?
MTD: Well, I guess it is popular. But self confidence that you have a lot of friends and you’re not a loner.
* * * * *
ME: Do you think that there would be a temptation to text something that you wouldn’t say out loud?
MTD: Probably…. Like, “People are really annoying.” “I hate my teachers.” “My parents are driving me crazy.”
ME: So, would you say there’s more temptation for this sort of thing? Like, complaining, being negative, gossiping, being mean?
MTD: Probably with some people.
ME: What about lying? Would it be easier to lie in a text rather than over the phone?
MTD: Yeah.
* * * * *
ME: How about boy/girl relationships? Do you know any kids that have said inappropriate things to boys?
MTD: I’ve never heard of an inappropriate thing, but I heard that a [13 year old] girl was texting a boy that she loves him.
* * * * *
ME: If you had a text plan, and one of your good friends texted something like ‘she’s such a jerk’ or ‘she’s so ugly… How would it be received if you said, ‘Let’s be kind’ in a text?
MTD: You would probably be looked at as weird.
ME: So really, texting could create some hard situations for you as a Christian, to make wise and good choices…. Do you think some parents might want to save their kids that sort of hard decision making at younger ages?
MTD: Probably.
ME: If you were a parent with a 12 year old girl, and you knew that giving her a phone with texting would cause more temptation for her life, like, lying and gossiping and being negative and being mean, do you think you would give her a text plan?
MTD: That’s a mean question! I probably would either not give her the texting or make a deal with her that you get to read all the texts, but that would be hard to follow up on.
True, that. Follow up is hard. And so is saying no! But parenting is so, so worth it. Moms, let’s keep pressing hard, and using all the wisdom God offers us through His Word and prayer, to parent well in our changing world.
I am a stay-at-home mom of a 3 year old girl and a 4 month old boy and I'm an avid texter. But I'm 30 years old.
I *wholeheartedly* support your decision and I'm shocked (and a little perturbed) that you're getting responses that indicate a lack of support.
Hey, Chasy. Thanks for commenting. Hey, don't be perturbed at all. This is something we parents are all working through, and it's a relatively new issue to think through.
I'm sure at some point, our daughter will have a texting phone (if we aren't on to the next technology by that point!). We just want to be very cautious about opening doors, and ask good questions. As Christians, we should harness the good that technology offers, but protect our kids from evil, and premature decision making that they're not ready for.
One thing is for sure–as our kids get older, parenting gets more complicated. Can't just push their fingers away from danger and say, 'NO!'
Enjoy those little ones, and thanks so much for reading my blog!
You asked your daughter about temptations and then what she would you do if she had a daughter who admitted as much? Can't think of a better way to engage a tween on this important topic. I think tweens are wired to desire truth and are ready to debate. As such, parents should gladly engage. As long as both remain respectful, tweens will learn more from our active engagement of their world than from rules laid down without discussion. So thanks for the great example!
We're having a similar discussion with our tween boys. Both want an iPod Touch, more for the gaming than for the communication but the texting and even video calling abilities are attractive to them as well. At this point, while they remain Touch-less, we are discussing these kinds of tools with them, talking about temptations to sin, and more.
So much more to say about friends, screen time, meditation on the Word of God, and interpersonal relationships…
Keep up the good work on your blog!
Thanks for the input, Mark. I'd be curious to hear how tween boys use texting in contrast with girls. We should have a parent/tween (coed) panel discussion sometime.
It's so interesting to think that we can't even ask parents ten years ahead of me how they handled these situations.