In this series, I’m sharing some of the most common Control Girl questions I’ve been asked–either while speaking at retreats, responding to blog comments, or by individuals in the small groups I’ve visited. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I’d love to share what God continues to teach me about control. If you have a question you’d like answered, feel free to submit it in the comment form below!

Also, you can sign up to receive this Control Girl Q & A series by email here.

Question: “How did you choose these 7 Control Girls of the Bible?”

Why did I choose these 7 Control Girls of the Bible? Why not NT Women? Or some evil ones like Jezebel or Delilah? Here's my answer. Click To Tweet

Esther read Control Girl last spring and wrote me with this question:

“Really enjoying your Control Girl study……well, maybe not ‘enjoying’ it so much as appreciating it! Gotta get myself some steel-toed boots!

Curious though as to why your ‘girls’ are all clustered in the very start of the Bible. Why didn’t you include Naomi, Hannah/Peninah, or Martha—to name a few? Are those being reserved for the NEXT book?

Or what about the women who serve as a cautionary tale for NOT surrendering that control, such as Jezebel, Vashti, Delilah, Sapphira, etc.? Another book? Thank you for YOUR surrender in allowing God to use you to minister to others!”


I replied to Esther, thanking her for her comment. Here was my response:

I don’t have a very sophisticated answer, regarding how these 7 Control Girls of the Bible were chosen for Control Girl. I started at the beginning and studied Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel and Miriam. And then the book was full!

That’s basically what happened. I did seriously consider both Naomi and Delilah especially. I polled my friends to see which ones they’d be most interested in, and I got mixed responses.

I decided against Delilah/Jezebel because I wanted to target Christians who aren’t as aware of their controlling hearts–not women who set themselves as enemies of God and his people. Though definitely there are lessons to be learned from the wicked women in the Bible!

The women I considered “replacing” were Hagar and Leah, because they aren’t as obvious with their craving for control. Control was taken from them, they weren’t (always) trying to take it from others or God. But then, that’s true of many women. And for that reason I believe, those two chapters are the ones I consistently hear people claim as favorites. Women who feel unseen, or feel like their lives are out of control, or feel like there’s nothing they can do to draw their adult children back to safety… I’m really glad the book has something to say to these sisters in the Lord.

Also, I did sneak Hannah into Rachel’s chapter as a contrast, just because I couldn’t NOT! What a beautiful story of surrender she offers all of us moms.

I chose not to study women in the New Testament, since their stories in general are not given in as much detail. And also, we get to see how their stories unfolded in Israel’s history and how God was in control, even when they thought that everything was unraveling.

I did, however, close the study with some reflections on Mary, the mother of Jesus. Mary is the ultimate “Jesus Girl” who reoriented her life completely around Jesus, and gave God complete control. One of the most beautiful proclamations of surrender in the Bible was Mary’s response to the angel. When he told her that she had been chosen to bear God’s son, she said immediately—with no hesitation, “I am the Lord’s servant. May it be to me as you have said.”

Second “Control Girl” Book?

Esther isn’t the first reader who has suggested a Control Girls 2 Bible study. At this point, I’m not planning on it. I have, however, considered co-authoring a Young Control Girl study, targeting 17-22 year-olds. This summer, Revive Our Hearts’ “Lies Young Women Believe” blog will be hosting a Young Control Girl series, which I was privileged to help write. Please be praying with me that this series will be well received, and that it would give perspective on whether a Young Control Girl book would be well received.

Do you have a Control Girl question for this series? Submit your question here:

Sign up to receive the “Control Girl Q & A Series” by email here.

Sign up to receive the series, “How to be Free of that OTHER Control Girl” by email here.



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