But I wanted to write a Bible study, not just a book. I wanted my readers to hear from God, not just me. Here’s what I wrote in Control Girl’s introduction:
I’ve divided each chapter into lessons with a correlating Bible passage to read first. Please, oh please, don’t skip these Bible readings! I wouldn’t want you to miss out on the power that God’s Word can unleash when you hear from him directly.
Two Advantages
Studying Bible women—rather than tagging Bible verses onto the experiences of women from today— offers two advantages—even for singles.
First, we get to see how their stories turned out! We can flip forward in our Bibles and see how God settled each little thing that these women were fretting or fuming about. Second, we get to see God’s perspective on their stories. We can listen in on the very conversations that they had with God himself, and watch how God reacts. Each Bible woman’s story offers unique warnings, lessons, and insights as we turn to consider our own stories.
But what if our story doesn’t match up with these Control Girls of the Bible? In particular, what about the “Single Control Girl”? Are singles welcome?
Early on in the editing process of Control Girl, one of my editors asked me, “Shannon, who is this book for? Is it just for wives and moms?” I’m guessing she was noticing that six of my seven Control Girls of the Bible were wives and moms.
I assured her that I intended this book to be for any woman, and we worked diligently to widen our discussion questions and application points to include women of various ages and stages. Yet in selecting the seven woman I would study (which I wrote more about here), the Bible didn’t offer me many single “Control Girls” to choose from. I was happy to include Miriam, who isn’t identified by the Bible as a wife or mom. But the other six (Eve, Sarah, Hagar, Rebekah, Leah, and Rachel) were all wives and mothers.
So is Control Girl written for the woman in her twenties—or sixties—who hasn’t been married? Or the woman in her thirties who is newly divorced? Or the woman in her forties who has been recently widowed and is facing the challenge of raising her children alone?
To the extent that this Bible study focuses on the Bible, my answer is yes. This book is written for each woman I’ve described.
Relational
Control Girl focuses deeply on family relationships because women—both in Bible times and now—are deeply relational. Unlike men, our control tactics often involve particular people. People matter to us. What people think, how they treat us, and what we mean to them matters deeply to us, as women. This is not only true in families, but also in the church, the workplace, the community, online, and everywhere else people gather. Regardless of the setting, our control-craving hearts give evidence of our need to surrender control to God.
Control Girl was an incredible Bible study read for this single girl who is very non type A and did not think I struggled with control.
The truth is we all do. Shannon’s transparent writing coupled with diving into powerful Biblical truths helped me see areas of surrender I needed in my own heart and life.
It was very encouraging as a single girl to think through not only surrendering control for my NOW season but I found much wisdom and encouragement in these pages for if marriage and children is ever a next season for me. Regardless of my stage of life, the Biblical truths and application helped me seek surrender in my now and next.
The Bible’s Audience
Consider where the Bible belongs in a bookstore. Is the Bible written only for married people? Or children? Or leaders? Should it be found in the “World History” section. Should it be relegated to a certain gender-specific shelf full of flower-clad study guides? It’s true that the Bible was originally written to a specific audience, but since the Bible is inspired by God and tells the story of the world from his perspective as our Creator, the Bible should inform and influence all the sections of the bookstore.
Control Girl is written specifically for women. As I wrote, I was thinking of women of all ages and stages—faces filled with anger, frustration, terror, and anxiety as they tried to grip onto control. I was hoping to help them tip their heads back and get a glimpse of the One who truly is in control! Does that include single women? I think so. Do you?
Un-shared Experience
The women I studied in Control Girl aren’t exactly like me, and they aren’t exactly like you, either. For example, even though I struggle with control…
- Unlike Sarah, I have not experienced infertility.
- Unlike Hagar, I have not experienced physical abuse.
- Unlike Rebekah, I have not moved to a foreign country.
- Unlike Leah, I am not unloved by my husband.
Perhaps you have experienced one of these things. Perhaps you—far better than I—can feel to your core what one of these women felt, thousands of years ago. And if I was sitting next to you as we opened these passages together, and I got to watch you grapple with the implications of a particular Bible story for your own story, here’s what would happen. If I saw you emerge, after wrestling with hard truths, saying, “God, I trust you! I give you control,” then I would encounter God in his Word, too. By watching your faith, confidence, and joy grow, mine would, too.
Romans 15:4 says,
“For whatever was written in former days was written for our instruction, that through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope.”
When that verse says “whatever was written in former days” it’s referring back to the Old Testament stories like those of Sarah, Hagar, Rebekah, and Leah. Paul was addressing first century believers when he wrote this verse, many of whom were not Jewish, which meant their lives were vastly different from those of Sarah, Hagar, Rebekah, and Leah. And yet these stories offered them instruction, encouragement and hope. The same is true for us today.
Studying Beside Someone in a Different Life Stage
Over the past year, as I’ve been working on my next Bible study, I’ve studied alongside my two friends, Kristi and Michelle. I love studying together because they see things that I miss! My printed verse pages have margins overflowing with little notes from our conversations. I don’t want to forget their insights and the illustrations they shared! And I am always particularly encouraged to study next to these two because they’re not exactly in my same stage of life. Kristi and her husband are empty-nesters, and Michelle’s kids are younger.
Friends, I’m convinced that when we study God’s word in a circle with others who have different experiences, passions, and sorrows than ours, it helps to widen our scope and deepen our grasp of truth.
May we all be women who readily welcome truth, and who link arms with others—both alike and not—as we discover the God of the universe in his word.
