The day I spoke at Laura’s mom’s group was the first day she had ever put her son in the church nursery. Having only left him with her husband and her mom, Laura she literally felt like she was going to have a panic attack as the meeting opened. She wanted to bolt to the nursery and snatch him back, but something held her in her chair. It was a gentle sense that the Lord wanted her to hear something that day.
That’s when I stepped up to the podium with the topic, ‘Control Girl w/ a Diaper Bag’. As I split open my private world and shared several incriminating Control Girl tales, Laura laughed nervously, wondering if I had a camera hidden in her house. She especially related to my tendency to be an angry Control Girl. I told of not getting much traction with my anger problem until I linked it to my desire for control. I explained that now, when I feel myself getting angry, I ask myself, “Ok, Shannon. What are you trying to control?”
This was what God used to help Laura start making sense of her own anger. She had prayed that the Lord would reveal to her the source of the anger she felt rising inside of her over the past year. It had been a rough year, with control slowly being pried from Laura’s fingers. She had endured the isolation of a move to a new town, an awful pregnancy, a terrible birthing experience which ended in an emergency c-section, and a rough recovery. On top of that, her new baby struggled with colic, severe reflux, dairy and soy allergies, and an aversion to breastfeeding and/or sleeping for any length of time.
As I talked, God answered Laura’s prayer and revealed to her the source of her anger–a desire for control. Laura heard God asking her to let him be in control, and to see her lack of control as a good thing. She emailed me weeks later and told me that though her circumstances haven’t changed, she is changing. When she feels herself getting frustrated, she’s learning to consider the root of the problem (control) and to quickly go to the Lord for guidance.
Laura’s story blessed my socks off–especially when I consider the way God controlled the timing of all of this. So cool to think that the very day Laura made a step toward letting go of control by placing her precious baby in the nursery was the day I came to speak about control. Isn’t God great?
Thanks to Laura for letting me share her story. And thanks to God for his big wise hands, where all the Control Girls–the ones with and without diaper bags–can place everything they hold dear.