Hey, friend. So, how are you doing with that other Control Girl in your life? Have you found the freedom you long for?

I wanted to do one more follow up post, and pull everything from this series titled, “How to be free from that other Control Girl” all in one convenient place for you.

Here’s what we’ve covered:

Introduction:

How to Be Free of that Other Control Girl (But maybe not the way you think.)

In this post, we talked about how nothing gives more rise to your control issues than the situation or person you can’t control; especially that other Control Girl. Yet often, God uses her to reveal your own heart. He sometimes gives you this person you can’t change as an impetus for change in you.

So what does freedom look like in this situation? Freedom is not found in gaining control of her; freedom is found in not becoming just like her. This series continues with five surrender steps to freedom.

Freedom is not found in gaining control of another Control Girl. Freedom is found in not becoming just like her. Share on X

Surrender Step 1:

Let God Write the End of the Story

We talked about how freedom comes only when we lay down our hopes and plans, and surrender to the one who is in control: God. It’s important remember that we aren’t surrendering to a vicious tyrant who wants to extract every drop of joy from our lives. We’re surrendering to a good and loving Father who wants to gather us up in His arms and offer us peace, security, and joy.

God, my story is Your story. You write the Happy Ending. Here, I’m giving you the pen. Share on X

Surrender Step 2:

Make a Surrender Strategy

When you “do nothing”, you avoid an issue, distract yourself from it, or procrastinate. You might sing a song with your fingers in your ears or start scrolling on Instagram. And while these techniques might be somewhat effective in getting you through without blowing a gasket, they won’t change you from a Control Girl into a Jesus Girl. But the surrender I’m talking about will.

Surrender to God is anything but passive. It is often the most grueling, heart-rate-spiking work of our entire Christian lives. But this is what both changes us and sets us free!

This post talks about setting up a surrender strategy to accomplish your long term goals for change.

Surrender is gathering up my hopes and dreams for the future, plus my frustration over what’s happening right now, and spilling the whole mess onto the altar before God. It's choosing His will instead of my will.… Share on X

Surrender Step 3:

Stop Caving In

When we put other people (especially that other Control Girl) in God’s place and make them our master, they will consistently lead us into disordered priorities, painful relationships, and personal brokenness. They constantly demand more than we can give, or insist that we satisfy their insatiable appetites. But God is exactly the opposite of this.

When we make God our Master, He causes our lives to settle into order, our relationships to flourish, and our hearts to heal. This post talks about how to do that.

When we make God our Master, He causes our lives to settle into order, our relationships to flourish, and our hearts to heal. God doesn’t demand that we satisfy Him; instead He satisfies us by providing peace, security, and joy. Share on X

Surrender Step 4:

Ask Good Questions

It can be difficult to communicate with the other Control Girl in your life. Especially if she’s creating a lot of tension and is unreasonable. So what can you do? How can you break free from the deadlock her behavior has on your relationship? Sometimes, a well placed question can be helpful. This post talks about how to craft questions that both let your Control Girl know her behavior is causing you concern, and invite her to consider the WHY behind her behavior.

A quiet question can let your Control Girl know (in a non-inflammatory way) that her behavior is causing you concern or frustration. And it invites her to consider the WHY behind her behavior. Share on X

Surrender Step 5:

Kneel on Level Ground

Finding freedom from that other Control Girl often has to do with your posture. From which position do you look at her control issues? Are you standing over her in judgment, cowering under her in fear, or kneeling beside her in prayer?

Obviously, there’s no way that you can coerce another Control Girl into a kneeling position. If you tried to do so, you wouldn’t be kneeling any longer. I’m not suggesting that you can or should get the other Control Girl in your life to humble herself and join you in prayer. But I am suggesting that—in your mind’s eye and with your heart attitude—you kneel beside her on level ground.

As I approach God with my frustration over the other Control Girl in my life, what is my posture? Do I come in crumpled humility, grieving over my own sin? Or do I come in eye-rolling arrogance, completely missing the point? Share on X

Wrap Up

Thanks so much for participating in this series. I have been praying that God would use it to set you (and me!) FREE!

I’d love to hear your story of surrendering that other Control Girl to God. Please feel free to send me a comment here, or leave on on this post.

May we all find the freedom, security, and joy that comes from laying control down before the Lord.

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Extras

If you’re looking for extra support, here are some options:

• Read the book, Control Girl: Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control from Seven Women in the Bible! You can read a free sample here.
• Read the other posts in this series:
  • How to Be Free of that Other Control Girl
  • Let God Write the End of the Story
  • Make a Surrender Strategy
  • Ask Good Questions
• Gather some friends for a Control Girl Bible study. If you’re interested in leading a group, we have everything you need here.
• Download the meditation cards which seem most applicable, or buy the coloring book.
• Listen to the Control Girl playlist.
• Don’t forget to sign up here, to have this series delivered to your inbox!