How to Overcome My Desire to Control My Husband {Kelly Needham}

Do you ever struggle with control? And do you sometimes feel like taking control is noble and right? Do you think, “If I don’t do something here, the whole world is going to come unhinged!”

If that’s you, I can totally relate. But I can also relate, if you’re feeling like your inner Control Girl has caused you to look back with some regret and heartache.

We have Kelly Needham back today, to talk about “The Desire to Control my Husband”, but I want to add right at the top, that this desire can be a problem also for women who don’t have a husband. So if you’re not married, this episode is still for you.

Do you see any anger, anxiety, fear or perfectionism in your life, which might be rooted in an unhealthy desire for control? Could this verse explain some of the symptoms that you’ve noticed?

Guest: Kelly Needham

Bible Passage: Genesis 3:16

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Transcript: E37 with Kelly Needham: The Desire to Control My Husband

Mentioned Resources:

- John Piper’s sermon
- Control Girl: Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control from Seven Women in the Bible – my nine week study.
- Take the Control Girl Quiz
- Control Girl FREE bonuses
- Control Girl Leader materials
- “Male and Female” earlier episode with Kelly Needham
- Let me Be a Woman by Elizabeth Elliot
- “The woman is the neck” from my Big Fat Greek Wedding
- James 3:3-5 – verses about the tongue

Recommended Resources: (Scroll down)

Music: Cade Popkin Music

Producer: Maria Lyons

Kelly Needham

Kelly Needham hopes to convince as many people as possible that nothing compares to knowing Jesus. She teaches the Bible at her home church and co-leads a Women’s Teaching Program, training women to accurately handle the word of truth. She is the author of Friendish: Reclaiming Real Friendship in a Culture of Confusion and is a frequent blogger and speaker. Kelly and her husband, Jimmy, have four children and live in the Dallas, Texas area.

Friendish (Book) – Reclaiming Real Friendship in a Culture of Confusion
Purposefooled (Upcoming book) – Why Chasing Our Dreams, Finding Our Calling and Reaching for Greatness Fails Us and What We’re Really Meant to Live For.
Clearly (Upcoming Podcast) – IF IT’S COMPLEX, CONFUSING OR CONTROVERSIAL, IT’S COVERED HERE. Jimmy and Kelly Needham help demystify the Bible and give you the tools to get out of the fog and see God for yourself.

Find Kelly

Could your anger, anxiety, fear or perfectionism be rooted in an unhealthy desire for control? Could this verse explain some of the symptoms that you've noticed? Join kellyneedham and me on the Live Like it's True podcast. Share on X

Control Girls of the Bible

When God helped me understand (through this sermon) the meaning of Genesis 3:16, I thought, “Well, if I’ve inherited this struggle as a daughter of Eve, surely if I go to the Bible, I’ll find other daughters of Eve who have similar struggles.” So I began at the beginning, combing through the pages of the Bible, looking for other Control Girls. And I found some!

Ultimately that study became my Bible study, Control Girl: Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control from Seven Women in the Bible. The seven women I studied were: Eve, Sarah, Rebekah, Leah, Rachel, and Miriam. And that list is by no means complete; I just ran out of room in the book to include anymore.

As I studied these women of the Bible, I realized that they were all doing what I try to do: They was trying to grab for or hold onto control, based on her small-minded perspective—and she was making everyone miserable. Want to discover what lessons I learned about control, about myself, and about God?

I’d love for you to join me for this nine-week study.

The Power of a Woman

Kelly used this quote from My Big Fat Greek Wedding, where the mom tells her adult daughter than the man is the head of the house, but the woman is the neck, and she can turn the head any way she wants:

Funny, right? But not quite as funny when it shows up in my marriage.

Here’s the quote Kelly used from Let me Be a Woman by Elizabeth Elliot

“As man’s power over woman is restrained by love, woman’s power over man is restrained by the command to submit. Any woman knows that she has ways of getting her own way. It is not physical strength that is most powerful. It is not the ability to deal with high-level abstractions. She may be as intelligent as or more intelligent than her husband, she may be more gifted than he is. Whether this is the case or not, she also has “wiles,” emotional power, and she has sexual power. These must be restrained. The kind of restraint God asks of her is submission.”

How to Overcome My Desire to Control My Husband {Kelly Needham} Share on X

False Narrative of Taking Control

The Bible tells us that taking control of our husbands (and everybody else) is a consequence. It’s a judgment, which has caused us to have misshapen desires. No longer do we enjoy our distinct roles in marriage, but instead, we want to exert—not physical—but our own unique forms of power over our husbands. And the world celebrates it when we do so.

So here’s the question. Will we live like it’s true that control tactics are a part of the fall?

I know this is hard. Oh, boy, do I know it. After twenty-six years of marriage, I still have an intense desire to control everything from where my husband puts his coffee cup to where he parks the car. I still have wrestle with myself over the smallest choices. But I want to be a woman who rejects the false narrative, and embrace the true story. Do you? Will you live like it’s true?

shannon popkin

shannon popkin