Are you a Control Girl?
First off, you should be commended on your willingness to engage the question.
Many women avoid it. Others think it’s a good question for someone else, but not them. That’s probably what I would have said, a decade ago.
For years, I didn’t see myself as a “Control Girl”. I saw myself as invested and committed. I was only taking matters into my hands because I cared so much. The last word I would have chosen to describe myself was “controlling”. Yet there were signs. I was just too busy trying to manage everything to notice.
I’ve designed this quiz for women like me, who haven’t thought much about whether they’re controlling or not. I hope you’ll be honest with yourself, but also have fun with it. And in the end, if you find out – like I did – that you are a Control Girl? Well I just so happen to have a book recommendation for you! More on that in a minute.
But first, here’s the quiz:
Control Girl Quiz
1. Do you struggle with anger? Do you erupt when something doesn’t go your way? Do you lose your cool over even small, insignificant interruptions? Do you inwardly (or outwardly) seethe at people who make your life difficult, or who disagree with you – even over small things?
2. Do you struggle with worry or anxiety? Are you gripped with fear over the future? Do you fret about your own safety or the safety of those you love? Do you obsess over small concerns because you’re worried about where they will lead? Do you tend to project into the future, consider all of the “what if’s”, and overreact?
3. Are you irritated by other controlling people? Is there a controlling person in your life who deeply frustrates you? Are you more bothered by this person than others? Do you react in a passive aggressive manner when a controlling person gives you no choice or violates your “turf”?
4. Do friends or family members send subtle hints?Do others give tactful clues that they’d like you to back off? Do they ever roll their eyes and say, “I got it, the first six times, Mom!” or “I can handle it,”? If we cornered the people who love you most, would they privately admit that you are pushy or overbearing?
5. Do they call you the “Food Nazi”? Or the “Seatbelt Nazi”? Or the “(Fill-in-the-blank) Nazi?” Do other people resist your efforts to get them to do what is in their best interest? Are there people at work, home, or in your community who might say that you micromanage, overstep, or insist on your way?
6. Does your husband feel disrespected by you? Does he get angry because you interrupt? Does he get frustrated when you give suggestions or tell him how to do it? Does he often become sullen, explosive, or withdrawn? Has he opted out of parenting because you’ve corrected him so much? Has he started spending more time out than in?
7. Do your kids think you’re nagging them? Do your young children have closed hearts toward you? Do your grown children withhold information or try to avoid your questions? Do your kids bristle when you come in the room?
8. Are you undisciplined?Do you regularly eat too much, spend too much, stay up too late, or spend too much time on social media? Are you constantly late? Do you struggle to live within any sort of boundary lines or limits?
9. Are you rigidly perfectionistic? Do you obsess over every calorie, every cent, or every minute spent? Are you a perfectionist with your home, your car, your appearance, or your work? Do you feel peace, only when you have everything under control? Do others think of you as rigid and inflexible?
10. Do you keep hidden agendas? Do you tend to conceal information or only tell part of the story, to give yourself leverage? Do you use information to manipulate people? Do you use relational equity to your advantage?
11. Do you have a lifestyle of “image control”? Do guard yourself against hurt by trying to control of what people think of you? Do you throw yourself into your work, ministry, or appearance to ward off feelings of worthlessness? Do you put up walls in relationships or limit yourself to superficiality?
12. Does God seem far away? Do you picture God as distant or uncaring? Are you suspicious of His motives? Do you think of Him as too indifferent, apathetic, or disinterested to concern Himself with the things that matter to you?
So, How’d You Do?
Did you answer yes to some of the questions? Most? Do you think you might be a Control Girl?
If so, don’t despair. I have good news for you. Ready? Here it is:
No woman has to be a Control Girl.
Yes, women tend to have a bent toward wanting control, but God offers us another option. Another path. He invites us to a life of surrender. To say, as Jesus did, “Not my will, but yours be done.”
I Have Three Gifts for You
Since I’ve spent time on both paths, I’d love to lend a hand, and show you some new steps. I haven’t mastered this. In fact, just last night, my son called me a Control Girl because I was being pushy and rude. Thankfully, my husband told him that was uncalled for, but still. You need to know I haven’t arrived. Yet, I am heading a new direction, and I’d love for you to join me.
So I’ve packaged up three gifts for you, my Jesus-Girl-in-the-Making friends. First, I’ve posted a twelve part blog series, responding to each of the questions on the quiz you just took. Feel free to start there: f
Second, I have another blog series that will encourage you and give you hope. I wrote this series because I didn’t want to do all the talking. I’m only one person, and my experience is limited. I wanted you to hear from other women who have bravely allowed me to share their stories of transformation – from Control Girl to Jesus Girl. You’ll read about experiences like a failed marriage, a cancelled adoption, a husband addicted to porn, and a difficult mother-in-law.
Each story represents struggle and pain, but also offers inspiration and hope. Like you and me, these women haven’t arrived, but they have turned their toes to the path of surrender, and they’re finding peace, joy, and security as they step out in faith. Here’s where to start reading:
The third gift isn’t a freebie like the first two. It will cost you about $12, some time, and an open heart.
If you’re a woman who doesn’t want to spend life stressed out, anxious, fretting, and angry as you try to control what only God can, my new book is written for you. It’s a Bible study, titled:
In this book, we’ll study seven Control Girls of the Bible who struggled with control in the same way we do—they pushed for their own agendas, tried to make everything turn out according to their plans, and made everybody miserable in the process. Just like them, we’ll learn–in hundreds of ways and examples, that God is in control and we aren’t. And He invites us to live accordingly.
Aren’t you so glad? So let’s go. Let’s head in a new direction, shall we? Let’s step onto the path from Control Girl to Jesus Girl!