Control Girl Quiz

(Already took the quiz? Check your answers here . Need a printable version for your group or friends? Here’s a Printable Control Girl Quiz.)

Are you a Control Girl?

First of all, you should be commended on your willingness to engage the question. Many women  avoid it.

For years, I saw myself as having the best of intentions. I took matters into my own hands because I cared so much! I was invested! The last word I would have chosen to describe myself was “controlling”. Besides, nobody else told me outright that I was controlling–not even my husband. Yet, there were signs….

  1. Do you struggle with anger? Do you erupt when something doesn’t go your way? Do you lose your cool over small, insignificant interruptions—either disruptions to your afternoon commute or your life trajectory? Do you inwardly (or outwardly) seethe at people who make your life difficult or who disagree with you—even over small things?
  2. Do you struggle with worry or anxiety? Are you gripped with fear over the future? Do you fret about your own safety or the safety of those you love? Do you obsess over small concerns because you’re worried about where they will lead? Do you tend to project into the future, consider all of the “what if’s”, and overreact?
  3. Are you irritated by other controlling people? Is there a controlling person in your life who deeply frustrates you? Are you more bothered by this person than others? Do you react in a passive aggressive manner when a controlling person gives you no choice or violates your “turf”?
  4. Do friends or family members send subtle hints? Do others give tactful clues that they’d like you to back off?  Do they ever roll their eyes and say, “I got it, the first six times, Mom!” or “I can handle it,”? If we cornered the people who love you most, would they privately admit that you are pushy or overbearing?
  5. Do they call you the “Food Nazi”? Or the “Seatbelt Nazi”? Or the “(Fill-in-the-blank) Nazi?” Do other people resist your efforts to get them to do what is in their best interest? Are there people at work, home, or in your community who might say that you micromanage, overstep, or insist on your way?
  6. Does your husband feel disrespected by you? Does he get angry because you interrupt? Does he get frustrated when you give suggestions or tell him how to do it? Does he often become sullen, explosive, or withdrawn? Has he opted out of parenting because you’ve corrected him so much? Has he started spending more time out than in?
  7. Do your kids think you’re nagging them? Do your young children have closed hearts toward you? Do your grown children withhold information or try to avoid your questions? Do your kids bristle when you come in the room?
  8. Are you undisciplined? Do you regularly eat too much, spend too much, stay up too late, or spend too much time on social media? Are you constantly late? Do you struggle to live within any sort of boundary lines or limits?
  9. Are you rigidly perfectionistic? Do you obsess over every calorie, every cent, or every minute spent? Are you a perfectionist with your home, your car, your appearance, or your work? Do you feel peace, only when you have everything under control? Do others think of you as rigid and inflexible?
  10. Do you keep hidden agendas? Do you tend to conceal information or only tell part of the story, to give yourself leverage? Do you use information to manipulate people? Do you use relational equity to your advantage?
  11. Do you have a lifestyle of “image control”? Do guard yourself against hurt by trying to control of what people think of you? Do you throw yourself into your work, ministry, or appearance to ward off feelings of worthlessness? Do you put up walls in relationships or limit yourself to superficiality?
  12. Does God seem far away? Do you picture God as distant or uncaring? Are you suspicious of His motives? Do you think of Him as too indifferent, apathetic, or disinterested to concern Himself with the things that matter to you?

So, How’d You Do?

Did you answer yes to some of the questions? Most? Do you think you might be a Control Girl?

If so, don’t despair. I have good news for you. Ready? Here it is:

No woman has to be a Control Girl.

Yes, women tend to have a bent toward wanting control, but God offers us another option. Another path. He invites us to a life of surrender. To say, as Jesus did, “Not my will, but yours be done.”

Three Gifts for You

Since I’ve spent time on both paths, I’d love to lend a hand, and show you some new steps. I haven’t mastered this. In fact, just last night, my son called me a Control Girl because I was being pushy and rude. Thankfully, my husband told him that was uncalled for, but still. You need to know I haven’t arrived. But I am heading a new direction, and I’d love it if you wanted to join me.

So I’ve packaged up three gifts for you, my Jesus-Girl-in-the-Making friends. First, feel free to jump over to my twelve part series, responding to each of the quiz questions here:

Control Girl Quiz Series

The series is meant to help you consider what path you’re on–the Control Girl path or the Jesus Girl path.

Second, I have one more series I’d love for you to take a look at:

Control Girl to Jesus Girl Series

I didn’t want to do all the talking. I’m only one person, and my experience is limited. I wanted you to hear from other women who have bravely allowed me to share their Control Girl to Jesus Girl stories–about things like a failed marriage, a cancelled adoption, a husband addicted to portn, and a difficult mother-in-law. Each story represents pain and struggle, but each offers inspiration and hope. These women, like you and me, haven’t arrived. But they have turned their toes to the path of surrender, and they’re finding joy, peace, and security as they step out in faith.

Control Girl: Lessons on Surrendering Your Burden of Control

from Seven Women in the Bible.

The third gift isn’t a freebie like the first two. It will cost you about $12, some time, and an open heart. If you’re a woman who doesn’t want to spend life stressed out, anxious, angry and fretting as you try to control what ultimately only God can, my new book is written for you.

It’s a Bible study. Each lesson opens with a Bible passage to read, and ends with application questions. At it’s core the book is a study of seven Control Girls of the Bible who struggled with control in the same way we do—they pushed for their own agendas, tried to make everything turn out according to their plans, and made everybody miserable in the process.

From comparing their stories with ours, we learn–in hundreds of ways and examples–that God is in control and we aren’t. And He invites us to live accordingly

Aren’t you so glad? So let’s go! Let’s head in a new direction, shall we? Let’s be Jesus Girls!

Want to share the quiz with your group or friends? Here’s a Printable Control Girl Quiz.

14 thoughts on “Control Girl Quiz

  • February 13, 2017 at 9:53 am

    Ummmm…I answered yes to all except #10…I’m guessing that means I am DEFINITELY a control girl…at the moment anyway but God’s working on me so this too shall pass. 🙄

    • February 13, 2017 at 10:15 am

      Michelle, you’re in the right place. Let’s just head in a new direction, shall we? Jesus leads the way. 🙂

  • February 13, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    I answered yes to 5 questions. I have always been in charge but, I am trying to let my husband take charge. Whew!!

    • February 13, 2017 at 8:23 pm

      Hey, Marie! Thanks for your honesty. I think surrender over husbands alone (rather than trying to control them) is enough to set us on a different path, don’t you?

  • February 16, 2017 at 4:00 pm

    Being Married to someone mentally ill has not been easy for 16 years, having my daughters ill also has really made it hard on my son and I… My burden but part of what I read really hit home for me.
    Faith in God is all I have most days !
    Blessings and Thank you
    Linda Marie

  • March 17, 2017 at 7:35 am

    I unknowingly have been a control girl and it has certainly contributed to my separation (5 months after 27yrs) from my husband ( his choice), and the turmoil my family has actually suffered for 20 years at least. Loved the book. Now trying to make the changes, it difficult that’s for sure. Thanks for opening my eyes.

    • March 18, 2017 at 12:22 am

      Wanda, I’m so sorry for the pain that this realization must cause. It is our enemy who wants to blind and decieve us about our sin. But Jesus wants to set us free through opened eyes and opened hearts. I’m so thankful that you are responding with both! Yes, change is hard, but we don’t have to do it alone. Jesus will be with you, empowering you, strengthening you, and giving you courage every step of the way. I’ve just prayed for your marriage and family, Wanda. Trusting that our Good Shepherd will continue to lead you in a new direction, as you surrender over and over to him. Much love, Shannon

  • May 19, 2017 at 11:38 am

    You have no idea how much I needed to come across this. I thank the Lord for you and your book, devotions, freebies… This is going to change my life and my husband’s and my childrens’ lives. THANK YOU!!!! I have been praying for years for God to help me change my heart. My son is now a control freak, because of me. And I KNOW I have to change. But it has become such a part of me that I can’t stop. Prayers and fasting wasn’t enough. I have even thought that my family would be better off if I wasn’t in it anymore and that leaving (divorce) would be the only way for them to get on with a more peaceful life. Or checking into one of those respite places and meds so control my need to control everything! This is HOPE! I’m ready!

  • May 19, 2017 at 2:46 pm

    Dear BA, thank you so much for your comment. I’m so sorry to hear of your struggle, but I want to affirm what you said: THERE IS HOPE. We don’t have to stay the same.

    II Pet. 1:3 says, “By his divine POWER God has given us EVERYTHING we need for living a godly life….” Notice those two words I highlighted. It’s His power, not ours. And he gives us everything we need to be godly. There’s never a time God says, “Sorry, I can’t change that.”

    I’m so excited for you, but also want to give a word of caution. I know the enemy would love nothing more than to squash this new hope that you have. Expect adversity. Be on guard. Be alert. But here’s your promise from God: Resist the enemy and he will flee from you! (I Peter 5:8-9, James 4:7).

    Will you do me a favor and keep me posted on your progress? I’d love to hear how you’re doing. Also, I’m curious about how you “came across” my site! Thanks again for reaching out. It was such a blessing to hear from you.

  • September 8, 2017 at 10:03 am

    Just discovered your platform from Garments of Splendor blog! I look forward to connecting, and reading the Control Girl bible study!

    • September 13, 2017 at 10:53 pm

      Robin, thanks so much for coming to find me! And thanks for checking out Control Girl. May it be a blessing to you. 🙂

  • September 28, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    I heard you on the radio late this morning while driving through OH and started crying. Your message really resonated with me. I just can’t carry this burden anymore. It has become too heavy. I’m struggling to manage everything on my own. I need God’s help!

    • September 28, 2017 at 10:06 pm

      Hi Michelle. I’m so sorry for the tears, but thankful that you have a heart open to the Lord. He doesn’t want you to “manage everything on your own”! Prov. 3:5-6 says to trust in the Lord, not in your own understanding. Psalm 145:18 says “The Lord is near to all who call on Him; to all who call on Him in truth.” And Psalm 46:1 says that the Lord is a very present help in times of trouble.

      I don’t know what trouble you’re facing or what burdens you’re carrying, Michelle, but I do know that our great God longs to be the one you turn to, depend on, and draw strength from. My prayer tonight is that you will experience the peace and joy that come through surrender (not control). Much love, Shannon

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